Tango in the Night

Yesterday was a great day. An old friend from my London days has been staying with us for a couple of nights so a nanny came and looked after the children for the afternoon and we went off to have lunch in the sunshine, a drink with some friends and walk up the Mount. What a glorious way to spend a few hours. The view is spectacular from the top and is a great way to reconnect with the place where we live. When we got back home at 6pm, the children were bathed, ready for bed and drinking milk, the house was clean and tidy and calm. I could have wept with gratitude. I could even smell cleaning products. It felt like the height of luxury to have had the entire afternoon off and come home to a house which was certainly in a much better state than when I left it.

Tomorrow the husband and I are disappearing off with two very close friends to Taranaki to see the mighty Fleetwood Mac. Two whole nights away listening to music and eating dinner. We are so excited. I have been singing along to Gold Dust Woman all day. Bring on the fun!

Turf joy

You may remember, dear reader, that when I went to Raglan for the weekend the husband spent that time digging holes, building walls and dealing with concrete in our back garden. When we bought the house the garden was a fairly steep slope. Excellent for hurtling down on toy trucks but not much use for anything else. As I write this we are waiting for the delivery of turf to roll over our newly flattened garden. The excitement is palpable in our household. The boy has been in his element, making 'chocolate cake' out of the mud, sitting on the trampoline with his cousin and watching a digger shifted sand and soil into the big space below them. I am fantastizing about playing swing ball, badminton, camping in the garden. Hanging the washing out on it is probably a bit closer to reality though.

Our lovely friend Quinn (www.facebook.com/qophotography) took some photos of the our children and their cousins on Sunday. There were eight of them, aged 7, 5, 4, 3, 3, 1, 1 and 9 months. Can you imagine trying to get them all looking at the camera and staying relatively still? I don't know how he did it but he managed to get quite a few beautiful shots. Having an artistic eye is something I greatly admire in people. If I see something which looks worthy of having its photo taken I point the camera at it and press the button. It's so frustrating when you look at the result and realise that you have torn all beauty or interest out of the situation by taking a bland photo. A good photo can pick out the most subtle moods evoked in a scene and can make you feel something deep inside. Looking at the photos Quinn took of the children I could see all sorts of things which had previously escaped my notice, like similarities between some of the children or expressions I hadn't seen before and relationships between them. A clever, clever man you are Quinn. I love this one he took of my three from behind them. All absorbed in their own worlds but very much together as a little clan. The very definition of being in a family.

Ambitious New Zealanders

On Friday the husband went on his work Christmas bash. As befits a group of Kiwi carpenters this involved going fishing all day and drinking lashings of cold beer. In his absence I invited a few girlfriends round and we sat on the deck eating cheese and drinking bellinis (a meal in itself). We were a mixture of New Zealanders, English and German. We got to talking about being ambitious and working. Most of my friends here don't have office jobs. In fact, barely anyone does which is in direct contrast to my friends at home in the UK who nearly all do.

Five years ago I was travelling round the world and met the husband in Queenstown (he was living in Wanaka). I was staggered at the number of people himself included who, when I asked them what they did for a living (a standard opening line if you live in London as I did then) told me they were carpenters in summer and skiing instructors in winter. What a bizarre combination I thought. How strange in a land of so few people (about 4 million) that so many people would be combining two such jobs. Now I have lived here for a while I don't think it's strange at all but almost obvious! Ha! How quickly I have morphed from highly strung city girl into slightly less highly strung beach girl.

Many of my friends here in Mount Maunganui look after their children full time but also have found the time to create their own businesses completely from scratch and without a vast amount of support. They are an impressive bunch. Some of them are extremely ambitious and think about ways of building and multiplying their business interests and some have opened their business in order to almost 'buy themselves' a job. When my parents were out here visiting us my Dad picked up very quickly the impressive range of skills the girls have. He reckons the women will be running every aspect of the country soon. They have opened their own businesses, run their households and bring up their children, dress super glam and this is all sewn up in a package which offers sophisticated social skills and confidence.

An inspirational crew.

Here are some of their businesses.....

Sisters (featured in the picture)

Vela Images

Flamingo Productions

Maree Wilkinson Photography

QO Photography

Design and Light

What would you like from Father Christmas?

Yesterday the boy and I attended his Kindergarten's Christmas party. It was an extremely relaxed, happy affair held in a local park where the children all ran wild until Father Christmas himself appeared. Many of the children (my son included) were experiencing for the first time the true magiv and wonder of Christmas. As he's 3 now he can understand the concept of 'presents' (show me a child who can't). We have been spending the last few weeks whipping him up into a state of frothied frenzy about the big man himself and how he'll be easing his ample frame down our chimney and leaving presents for him and his sisters.

About 5 weeks ago the husband and I were walking through K-Mart with the children. As the husband niaively sauntered past the toy section, the boy spotted a large display of bright orange chainsaws. He pressed the button on one and the thing coughed into life with a roar and a spin of the chain bringing him so close to ecstacy he damn nearly passed out with pleasure and longing. So that was the day the boy realised how desparately he needed the chainsaw in his life. We have heard about it every day. A few days ago I sat down with him to compose a letter for Father Christmas.

me: What would you like to ask for from Father Christmas?

boy: a chainsaw

me: shall we ask him for anything else in case he doesn't have a chainsaw?

boy: no

me: (sighs) ok son. What about twin1 what do you think she'd like?

boy: a beer

me: anything else?

boy: yes, a baby

me: and twin2?

boy: a toy

All duly recorded we put the letter in the fireplace and burnt it. According to the husband this is how Father Christmas receives his letters.

So, as the boy and fourty other children crowded round Father Christmas on a lovely warm afternoon in the park I watched the little lad's reaction to his first ever, real live view of the God of children that is Santa. The children stared at him with a mixture of awe, slight fear and deep curiosity. Above the shouting and excitement I could clearly hear the boy bellowing "I WANT A CHAINSAW' and trying to get Father Christmas' attention. What the lad doesn't know is that tucked away in a secret hiding spot is a pristine, perfect chainsaw - exactly like the one he saw 5 weeks ago. I can barely contain my own excitement at the thought of his face when he opens it on Christmas Day. Unluckily for twin1 the beer and the baby are out of the question but I think she'll manage to put her disappointments aside and join in the festive fun (as best you can at 1 year old).

Working in league

It feels like summer is here to stay. We have had a run of sunny, cloudless days centred around trips to the beach. Most days involve the usual hectic 2 hours of getting up followed by a swim in the ocean, digging holes on the beach and the children running round in a happy but crazed manner. We are very lucky to have the most gorgeous beach just 5 minutes walk from our house. As a child you aren't in a position to make a huge number of independent decisions like where you'd like to go, when or what you'd like to eat, where you live and so on. One of the things I love about the beach is that children can run or walk in any direction they like, be as messy or as tidy as they like and generally enjoy themselves in a fashion completely directed by their own imagination and according to their own tastes. My neice says she likes the beach because it makes her feel completely free.

Now the twins can crawl the beach is perfect as they can pootle about to their hearts' content. My little girls are identical twins. That is to say they share the same DNA as they come from one fertilised egg which split to become two little people. If you know them reasonably well it's very easy to tell the difference between them though. They look slightly different and they act differently too. When they were little tiny babies we used to swaddle them tightly in muslin wraps and tuck them side by side into the same cot to sleep. Regardless of how far apart you put them they would always end up sleeping the same way - foreheads, noses and chins touching each other's face, breathing the same breath and completely serene and at peace with being so close. If one woke up she could be screaming into the other's face without waking her.

When we bathed the twins even in the very early days, neither would cry if the other aimed a kick or a punch in her face, neither would ever whinge and complain at the jostling which is ever present between the 2 of them. Imagine from the second your life was kicked into motion by a jumble of cells splitting several million times, your soul mate's life was created too. For 9 months you would both be growing in a confined space with bits of limb and head and body constantly making you readjust your own position. The concept of personal space must be vastly different to a twin than to a singleton. For the first few months of the twins' lives I thought they didn't really take an awful lot of notice of each other. They would smile at each other now and then and look for the other when they went to bed but other than that carried on as if the other was barely there. When they started to crawl (only a couple of months ago) this all changed. They can sit and play together for absolutely ages, enthralled in each other's company and happily sharing and fighting over toys. They crawl off in convoy searching out mischief and spend most of their time in the same place as each other. They like to spend time in their brother's bedroom, munching on lego and pulling his books of the shelves but if they can, they spend as much time as possible in the bathroom, emtying cupboards of first aid kits, ancient bottles of conditioner, squirting shaving foam into their mouths and tearing open plasters. The little monkeys work in league too. Twin2 stands at the cupboard and passes things out to twin1. When I find them, I carry one out and sit her down. As I return to get twin1 out, twin2 is already crawling quickly back to the battleground to carry on her destructive work. It usually takes about 3 or 4 trips to rid the area of fervent little light-fingered bodies.

Every day I marvel at our body's ability to produce more people. Each female body knows how to arrange a group of cells, produce the right thing in the right order, transfer food and water to the growing foetus and then knows when to expel them and return itself into a body not carrying a baby anymore. What a miracle. Having twins is even more phenomenal. How did my body know how to spilt the egg? Did the energy inside the egg split itself or the energy inside my body? Are they twon different things? When I was born was my body already predisposed to be an egg splitter? Was it something I did that day which made it happen? However it happened I am beyond grateful.

You can never have too much beer

What's your hangover cure? I have heard some pretty interesting ones. A pint glass filled half with Coke and half with red wine anyone? How any hungover person can drink that is beyond me. At university I remember going out and leaving a glass of water and 2 headache pills by my bed, setting my alarm to 6am and necking the lot so when I surfaced around 10am I'd be back to peak condition. I would say the only really effective ones I am aware of are sleep or getting drunk again. Neither of those 2 options are available to me today so I'll just have to ride it out. Luckily we have the ocean on our doorstep and the restorative powers of water are well known. Having a swim in the stuff was bracing and blew away the hangover while I was down on the beach but returning home and rushing round after my littlies ensured its swift, boggled eyed and thirsty return.

Every time I have a few drinks the next day I vow to stop drinking large quantities of white wine. It feels as though I have been dipped in a vat of Sauvignon Blanc and it permeates every pore. Bottles of Corona seem like a better 'session' drink. They aren't as strong and there's only so much volume you can take on. It also fits neatly with the family motto my Dad told my brother and I "You can never have too much beer". However I handily forget all this when I'm offered a glass of wine. I usually think "ooh, perfect. That's exactly what I feel like drinking."

Anyway next time I'm definitely not downing buckets of vino. And if I do, I'll bring to mind the patented hangover cure of an old Sporting Index work chum - a shit, a wank and a cup of tea (in that order).

Mother's guide to lunchtime drinking

As I write this there is complete calm in my house. The boy left to go to his afternoon session of Kindergarten and the twins are asleep (for now). Although it's only 1pm on a Monday I am drinking a beer. I have wanted one since about 9am this morning. Nothing very dramatic has happened this morning but I have the same stress levels as a CEO of a multinational company having been handling hostile takeover negotiations for hours on end.

Now it's quiet I can reflect on the fantastic weekend just passed. The Dalai Lama is in New Zealand and on Saturday he gave a public talk on having a 'Peaceful Mind', followed by a Buddhist teaching on Sunday in Auckland. Over the last few years I have read a little about Buddhism, Tibet and meditation. I would say what I know constitutes a miniscule amount and I certainly wouldn't claim to be able to describe in detail what happened when China occupied Tibet in 1959 and the reasons why or indeed explain Buddhism with any depth or understanding. Like many people though, the principles of Buddhism, those which I can grasp as well as the benefits of meditation have piqued my interest and made me both curious to learn more and integrate some of the ideas into the way in which I live.

My chum and I spent a happy 2 and a half hours chattering away in the car on the way to Auckland. We arrived with plenty of time to spare so went to Sale Street to have lunch. Oh the sheer joy of sitting in a city bar with adults who were clearly in no rush to do anything other than while away a couple of hours, drinking jugs of beer, laughing and talking with their friends.

Listening to the Dalai Lama talk was just unbelievable. He is an accomplished orator. Talking for 2 hours with no break without stumbling over words and all in your second language is quite some feat. These were not the most impressive aspects of his speech though. His chuckle was infectious and very cheeky. He is 74 years old and a monk but was comfortable touching and smiling at the men and women who had organised the event. He spent a long time honouring their efforts and engaging in different traditional rituals, both Tibetan and Maori.

He talked of trust, compassion and warm heartedness. His style of delivery was much more like a life coach than a spiritual leader. Although he mentioned Buddhism and his home country Tibet several times he mentioned other religions just as often as well as talking about living as a non-believer. He talked often about being realistic and seemed amazingly in touch with the real world and those who live in it. It would be so hard for us to relate to his life as the exiled leader of Tibet, the 14th reincarnation of the Dalai Lama who was chosen when he was 2 years old and has ruled his country since 12 years old. And yet he found it easy to relate to so many people of differing race and age. Throughout his talk I could relate much of what he said to different situations in my own life. What an experience, I am so grateful to have seen this beautiful man and heard his voice.

Back to that 1pm beer........

When I was pregnant with the boy 4 years ago I read 2 books about having babies. One was called 'Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin and the other was called How to Enjoy Year One by Rachel Waddilove. I'd say Spritual Midwifery was excellent and a must if you are considering a homebirth. Rachel Waddilove's contribution was along the lines of common sense and is probably only worth reading if you have none whatsoever. Neither book mentions the necessity of pouring yourself a glass of white wine at 5pm and yet that is surely the most kept to routine by the bulk of mothers. Interestingly, the day after listening to the Dalai Lama I have had to shift my first alcoholic beverage forward by 4 hours. I had been labouring under the misapprehension that I would return from Auckland being the most Zen like mother on my road. My son would scream obscenities at me whilst the twins would fill their mouths with compost and tear pine needles from the tree and I would calmly rinse their mouths out, sit them with some toys and reason with the boy whilst having the mantra 'compassion and warm heartedness' running through my mind. Wrong. I actually got miles more irritated than I normally do and screamed back.

Soul cuddling with the Dalai Lama

Two hours ago I parked my behind on a seat in the Vector Arena in Auckland. When the Dalai Lama walked in, bang on cue I welled up with tears and was overwhelmed with emotion. This man has done so much to teach people about living their life in the kindest, happiest way.

I will write more about it tomorrow but let me tell you he has a cheeky, naughty giggle and is a modern and relevant 74 year old who could relate to a teenager as well as he could someone my age. I feel like my brain and soul has had a massage and a cuddle. Now I'm off for a posh tea with my dear friend.

I am a Hercules engineer as well as a patisserie chef

This morning revealed itself to be thick with fog and dense cloud. As there is no Kindergarten today for the boy and the Goddess that is our housekeeper comes on a Wednesday at 9am I decided to take the children for a walk round Mount Maunganui. We set off with supplies of honey sandwiches, strawberries and carrot sticks. Looking after my three small children can feel like a grind. The relentlessness of the routine can make you really grit your teeth hour after hour, day after day. For instance there is no way the twins can wait longer than twenty minutes or so after waking in the morning for breakfast. What if I don't feel like making breakfast so quickly after waking up? Tough. It's what they want and the screaming is an effective if nerve jangling catalyst to pull my finger out and throw weetabix down their necks.

Having said that I often crave more time with the children and in particular with each of them on their own. I had two lovely years hanging out with my son, having him sitting on my knee for long periods of time and more recently, sitting in cafes or on the beach chatting about all sorts of things. The little twins tend to be together all the time so you don't really look at one intently for a long period of time - your eyes flit between the two. I love the intensity of gazing into your littlies' eyes and smiling at them as they gaze myopically at you before crumpling into a gummy beam.

This morning as we toddled round the Mount I soaked up the wonderful feeling of just spending time with the children in the fresh air, listening to the ocean swilling through the narrow aperture between the Mount and Matacana island and smiling at the many friendly comments our fellow strollers passed to us on the way round. Because of the warm fog, the shifting views were truly beautiful. Check out the picture of the handsome, brave man protecting the entrance to the harbour and the tops of the cranes at the Port just visible through the fug.

An afternoon making lemon drizzle cake for a birthday tomorrow and building a Hercules and a bi-plane from Lego makes it a near perfect day for enjoying the deeply precious early years before they all dash off to school.

That's all well and good but BRING ON THE WEEKEND as I'm off to the big smoke with a friend for a night talking constantly, drinking wine, seeing the Dalai Lama and enjoying the relative peace and quiet of a million other Aucklanders.

Apoplectic ranting

There are a number of different approaches I take when trying to stop my son from aiming 'playful' kicks at the twins or donking them on the head with whatever he has in his hand. The differing approaches depend on how tired I am, how many times I have already asked him to stop doing it, what time of day it is or what kind of successful discipline techniques I have witnessed friends using with their children that particular day. Gently saying "use your kind hands/feet" barely elicits a response. Bellowing at him and sending him to his room usually results in his waiting calmly until I've finished my apoplectic rant and answering "stop shouting Mummy" or "I'm not saying sorry to twin1, you say sorry to me Mummy because you pushed me" or "are you going to smack me now?"





How is it that you can be pottering about, making dinner and feeling happy, warm and fuzzy as your children play together, giggling and making up games then......BOOM. The boy wrenches a toy out of twin1's hands and hits her repeatedly round the head with it. Suddenly your blood pressure is through the roof and you are screaming with unhinged rage while the 3 year old stares at you unblinkingly. Roll on 2 hours later at bedtime and you are stroking his hair and guiltily saying "you know Mummy loves you very much, don't you darling?"





The boy came up with the best retort yet today. When being shouted at for hitting his sister he shouted back "I'm not hitting her, I'm giving her five"